Volume 80: Red Whiskey
Scattered throughout our readings from the very beginning we have heard about Red Whiskey. Often described as, “The Whiskey of the Gods”, it is the rarest, most expensive, and most sought-after spirit in all of the multiverse. As such let’s talk about what we know about it now.
It is believed that Red Whiskey has existed since long before the 1st Crush began. There are writings by the Elves, Trementians, Dwarves, and others that hint at the consumption of Red Whiskey even farther back than that. The Swaft call it, “Crimson Wind”, and the Naga call it, “Rose Venom”, and the Merfolk refer to it as, “The Ruby Tide.” Regardless of what it is called, it seems nearly every race has had a taste of it at some time in their past.
Where it comes from and how it is made is widely disputed. Some say it is made by a secret group of Humans and Elves that live in a hidden universe somewhere. Others say it is made by dragons who use their own blood to make it. Collectors say it is pulled out of the very essence of reality and condensed into a liquid form by ancient gods. Though the last one is highly unlikely, no one can really say for sure how it is actually distilled. What is known is that it does have some light magic applied to it, but nothing that effects its potency. Each bottle is charmed against duplication. In other words, it is impossible to copy it by any means. For countless centuries many have tried. The recipe is indecipherable. Multiversal corporations have tried everything from chemistry to elaborate magical rituals to duplicate a single bottle of Red Whiskey. None have succeeded.
Red Whiskey always comes in a quart sized amber red bottle. The glass of the bottle is shatter proof and has flecks of gold and silver throughout it that change with the angle of light hitting it. It is topped with a standard cork but sealed with a magical iridescent chrome like wax that ensures the whiskey cannot have its flavor ruined by any environmental factor. The bottle has no label, but the glass is raised on one side in the image of a star being shattered by a hammer. The bottom of the bottle has a simple RW pressed into the glass. The whiskey itself is a deep golden red. It forms a sheen of metallic red on its surface when poured. A still glass with Red Whiskey in it will look like a red mirror on its surface.
All of this being said Red Whiskey is not for everyone. Anyone with a constitution less than 12 will pass out 1d4 mins after drinking any amount of Red Whiskey. Those with a constitution of 12 or higher can drink it readily but still not much. A single shot of Red Whiskey will inebriate an average person for an entire night. Attempting to drink more than 1 shot in 8 hours with cause the person to pass out (Saving throw at DM’s discretion). For every point over 18 a person has in constitution they can drink one more shot per 8 hours without passing out. But the truth is there is no reason to drink more. After drinking a shot of Red Whiskey within 1d4 mins the person will be absolutely drunk but in the best possible way. Red Whiskey will cause a surge of happy drunkenness to fill whoever drinks it. They will be a bit stumbly, and they may slur their words, but they will feel incredible. There is also no comedown or hangover. After 6 + 1d2 hour the person who drank the Red Whiskey will start to feel warm and comfortable. Many refer to this time as, “The Blush”, as most do get rosy cheeks (and other things) during this time. The Blush lasts for 1d2 hours after which the person is usually tired, not from the Red Whiskey, but from the partying and tomfoolery that usually results from drinking it. The actual experience is somewhat indescribable. It provides a sense of fantastic euphoria, but one can still function readily. Friends who drink the whiskey together will feel connected at a deep level. Jokes will be funnier, love will be stronger, games will be more fun, emotions will be purer, and sex… well it makes sex incredible. Drinking Red Whiskey gives +1 to constitution (specifically endurance), +1 to charisma, and +10% to all skills.
Acquiring Red Whiskey is no easy task. Very rarely one may find it at the most high-end shops in the multiverse. But even then, it is not something that will be on display. Often even if it is asked for and available a shop keeper will deny having it. Bottles of Red Whiskey have gone for astronomical prices, and often they have been killed for. There are tales that moons, valuable asteroids, even entire planets have been exchanged for a single bottle. Some say wars have been fought for a bottle. Stories and legends seem to mix in any telling of the history of the spirit.
Adding to the mystery, besides the stories and legends, no one really knows where it comes from. Bottles of it seem to appear almost magically at various places throughout history. They seem to show up after big events on planets, galaxies, and universes. The senate of the Elysium 12 found one waiting for them not long after its victory against the Dark Dwarves. It could be argued that after sharing it their bonds grew stronger, making them fight harder in the months and years that followed to protect the Elysium 12. There of course are many legends about how it is delivered. Popular stories include delivery by unicorns, bolts of lightning, ghosts, and more.
There is a legend that somewhere in the multiverse a crate of Red Whiskey is hidden. 12 full bottles in a gold and platinum crate. For many it exists only as legend, but some believe it to be true. There are pieces of a map scattered throughout many different cultures that hint to the location of the crate. Moreover, the legend says that one of the bottles in the crate will be sealed with a dark blue wax, different from all others. This bottle is said to bottomless, producing an unending stream of Red Whiskey forever. As far fetched as the legend may be it has not kept treasure hunters and the most powerful companies in the multiverse from looking for it, and trying to collect the map pieces.
Regardless of all this Red Whiskey exists in select and often secret places throughout the multiverse. So, keep your eyes and ears open! One day you may stumble upon one and when you do please invite us all to the party!
About the Illustrations: Here we have one of the Techno Empires war robots, and a zombie Graze king!
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